Wytch

For now

“These are not protesters, they are troublemakers and insurrectionists,” the post said, “Remember, NO MASKS!”

Unless you’re ICE. Or a cop. Or a J6er.

Angelenos are not stupid. Let them guard empty streets.

I’d vote for Biden’s prostate cancer as Pres over Trump

Heads on pikes. That’s where we’re at. Medieval theocracy, here we come

NotTheOnion

There seem to be no pictures of his stupid face where he isn’t pulling some stupid face with his stupid, unpleasant, and malignant face

Superman rescued cats from trees, threw nukes into the sun, and rebuilt the Great Wall of China with his mighty eye beams, but to save Lois Lane he would reverse time itself¹. To be with her he’d abandon his great gifts. He always priortized himself and those he cared about. It’s kind of relatable though, he’s ultimately a guy from Kansas who wants to be just like everyone else. The world frequently benefits from his actions. But he is American, first and foremost. If he did abdicate responsibility, pull a Dr. Manhattan basically, the world would have to grow up a little and tackle its problems entirely on its own. On the upside, it wouldn’t have to argue about whose side Superman is really on, or complain when he doesn’t show up every once in a while for their specific crisis. Of course, America isn’t as principled as her fictional savior, so… milage may vary.

¹or travel through time, depending on your interpretation

That’s so weird because I expected the rapid onset of a dystopian hellscape so I don’t know, Jennifer, what do you think went wrong?

The Egg Roll […] has long been privately funded without taxpayer dollars, largely through the American Egg Board, which also provides tens of thousands of eggs for the occasion.

Naturally, in the middle of a literal egg shortage, maga is gonna steamroll through this event with corporate flags waving.

In an alternate universe, the CDC is working to contain the bird flu epidemic, we’re buying eggs from our bestie neighbors in Canada, and the Easter Eggs at the White House this year are made of pine wood.

Takes a special kind of dipshit asshole to fail to recognize the entire reason they are as wealthy and powerful and beyond consequence is that they operate out of a runaway, uncontrolled, corrupt capitalist society and if they Fuck Around outside that box, they may rapidly and dramatically Find Out.

Instant Win American Bingo Card:

B. Loaded handgun in the car. I. Total disregard for road safety. N. Convicted criminal pardoned by convicted criminal president. G. Mental health crisis resolved by cop shooting. O. Legally justified homicide.

We’re doing great. Good job all around, no notes.

“We’re wringing our hands as hard as we can”